"Being homosexual is about having sex with your own sex. Being gay is about being comfortable with what you biologically are. 'Gay' is a state of mind, where you choose to be true to yourself, take responsibility for what you are and move ahead. It's a lifestyle, where shame and discomfort have no place," says Viraf D, an active member of GayBombay. Besides featuring gay opinions, poetry, art, movies and a classifieds section, the site also organises offline events and meets for its members to interact in person. Says Viraf: "We're trying to create social spaces for the community."

This site's agenda stands in contrast to that of organizations that are involved in supporting this community. The Humsafar Trust, for instance, does serious work to promote better sexual health among MSM (men who have sex with men), a highly HIV-prone group.

The Naaz Foundation in Delhi does similar work in lower income groups. The India Center for Human Rights and Law deal with cases of legal-political issues involving the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community.

On the other hand, GayBombay is trying to bring about a change in mindset through their online presense. And many who had been confused and even revolted about their sexual preference are grateful. Says Brown Tiger, a member on the GayBombay mailing list, "Thanks to the Internet, I know that I'm not alone and not abnormal."

Milin, another member, says, "Many people who thought they were odd and queer feel not-so-queer anymore when they realise there's a big community out there."

Benny adds, "I think, in India, gays assumed some semblance of a 'community' with the spread of the Net. It is the comfort of being in a virtual community, where issues discussed are the ones you have always privately agonized over, that has helped gays come out."

Anonymity is the Net's greatest advantage. Once the alienation lifts, it's easier to take the next step. Says Brown Tiger, "I got out and met people who are 'out' and proud. I met NGOs involved in the gay cause. Those people influenced me a lot. I was confused and would have never admitted or experienced gay life otherwise. I might even come out (I've already told a few close friends) in the future. If I do that, it would be because of the Internet."

Others sites provide a meeting place for this community using classifieds. KhushNet offers an exhaustive personal ads section. Advertises one member on the list, "I'm looking for friends to chat with, and if it clicks, maybe sex."

If you want to chat with like-minded individuals, select a city and head for the man-to-man or woman-to-woman rooms here. At gay.com you can find plenty of company in the chat section called 'India Countrywide' room. India city specific rooms are emptier in comparison.

If you're looking at local interactions, GayIndia.net has mailing lists specific to your location. With roughly 147 regional mailing lists within India, you should find something closer home.

AltIndia.Net examines several legal-political issues concerning alternate sexualities, while AMALG India is a matrimonial site for marriages of convenience between gays and lesbians. Names and contact information of various LGBT support groups may be found at GayBombay links.

The Internet draws users with varied reasons; some might be looking for people, while some are searching for a sense of identity. Others are plain curious. This might also be one of the dangers of the Net.

Says Benny, "Naïve youngsters are often lured into homosexuality. Someone may have a minor homosexual encounter, which would have died its natural death in the past. Now, they have a better chance to explore it further. I am pretty sure that most of the people on the gay mailing list are otherwise absolutely straight people who would have got on with their lives the 'normal' way, but for the Net."

The Internet also encourages inherent promiscuity. Traditionally, one might know very few people sharing the same orientation. The wide reach of the Internet can, at least theoretically, find you multiple companions in the span of a day or night. This blows up the HIV threat many times over. Also, finding your 'clan' online may seriously hamper normal social interaction.

Dishonesty with pseudonyms and false personal information characterising most gay sites are some other disadvantages.

These drawbacks being real are still not enough to diminish the gains. The Net has brought homosexuals a long way from the rebellious symbolism of assertion. As Brown Tiger sums up, "Why do we need to prove that we are different from others? We need to be part of society and not scare them by telling them we're different."

Links: -- Sambhavana

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